In the moment: five things that work
Read these in order. The first two matter most, and the last one is the one most of us skip.
- Start the wind-down early. Sleep does not begin at lights-out; it begins about forty minutes before, when the house gets quieter, the lights go lower and the games stop being exciting ones.
- Same order, every night. Bath, teeth, pyjamas, two books, one song, light off. The order matters more than the timing. A child who knows exactly what comes next stops negotiating, because there is nothing to negotiate.
- Let them choose inside the routine. "Which two books?" and "which pyjamas?" give back some control at the exact moment they are losing all of it.
- Answer the first call, not the fifth. One drink, one toilet, one more kiss — plan for them and put them in the routine. After that, walk them back silently and calmly, every time. Silence is the part that works.
- Leave while they are still awake. A child who always falls asleep in your arms will need your arms again at two in the morning, because they wake between sleep cycles and find the room changed.
What is actually happening
Sleep needs at this age: about 11 to 14 hours in 24 for one- to two-year-olds, 10 to 13 hours for three- to five-year-olds, including naps. A child who is short of sleep does not look sleepy; they look wired, silly and irritable, which is why parents so often think their child "does not need much sleep".
What changes it over the next few weeks
Nothing in the moment fixes this for good. These are the things that make the moment happen less often.
- Fix the morning to fix the night. A consistent wake-up time sets the body clock far more strongly than bedtime does. Do not let a late night become a late morning.
- Daylight and running about. An hour outdoors, ideally in the morning, does more for sleep than anything you can do at night.
- Check the nap. Between two and four, a nap that runs late or long steals the night. Moving it earlier usually works better than dropping it.
- Screens off an hour before. Not mainly because of blue light — because of what it does to excitement levels. A story does the opposite.
What makes it worse
Every parent has done at least two of these, usually at the end of a long day. It is not a list to feel bad about; it is a list to recognise.
- Using bed as a punishment. It makes the room feel like a place of trouble.
- Big new negotiations at the door. Decide the rules in daylight.
- Sneaking out. Discovering you gone makes the next night worse.
- Lying down with them "just tonight" for weeks. Choose it on purpose or not at all.
When you lose your temper
You will, and it is survivable. What children need is not a parent who never gets it wrong but a parent who comes back: "I shouted. That was not your fault. I am sorry." Repairing after a bad moment teaches something that a perfectly calm day cannot — that love holds even after anger, and that grown-ups apologise too.
When to ask a doctor
Ask a doctor about loud snoring, gasping or long pauses in breathing, unusual sleepiness in the day, sleep that is broken every night for months, or night terrors that happen several times a week. None of this is a diagnosis, and this page is not medical advice; it is the plain version of what health services and early-years bodies broadly agree on. You know your child, and a worry that will not go away is reason enough to ask.
Something to do together afterwards
Hard moments settle faster when they are followed by something ordinary and shared. Try the calm corner for a minute of slow breathing with Golu, a picture book on your lap, or one of the things to do at home — a craft with your hands side by side is often easier than a conversation face to face.
The other hard moments
This page is one of eight in feelings first aid: tantrums, bedtime, hitting and biting, sharing, drop-off, the dark, fussy eating and screens. They are all free to read, there is no sign-up, and nothing you read here is tracked.
Now do it for real
When the screen goes off, do something with your hands. Try 🧼 Why we wash with soap — an easy science experiment for ages 3-6, with every step read aloud in your language. You will need a plate of water, a pinch of black pepper or haldi, soap on one finger; nothing that needs a trip to a shop.
There are 56 more on the things to do at home page, and free printable worksheets if you would rather have something on paper. Ten minutes on a screen and twenty minutes off it is a good shape for a day at this age.